4.21 【英语励志演讲】他用“被拒100天”实验克服了“碰壁恐惧症”

英语PK台

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本期主题

Jia Jiang：

What I learned from 100 days of rejection

蒋甲：我从“被拒100天”实验中学到了

演讲者

蒋甲（JIA JIANG）北京人，

十几岁去美国追求企业家梦想。

受挫后一度陷入绝望。

通过自创“碰壁100天”拒绝实验

以对治“被拒恐惧症”。

这些实验新奇、大胆，充满创意，

展示了一个藏在痛苦里的世界，

总结出了面对碰壁的定心技术和反转策略，

给人无尽精神力量，

引人重新思考拒绝的本质。

Jia Jiang is the owner of Rejection Therapy, a website that provides inspiration, knowledge and products for people to overcome their fear of rejection. In 2015, he authored a bestselling book, Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection. His journey revealed a world that was hidden in plain sight -- a world where people are much kinder than we imagine. He discovered that rejection can be much less painful than we believe and that the fear of rejection is much more destructive than we know.

Vocabulary:

Invincible [ɪnˈvɪnsəbəl]

不可战胜的，不能征服的

Reveal [rɪˈvil]

揭露;泄露;显露

Destructive [dɪˈstrʌktɪv]

破坏性的;毁灭性的

14点电台直播

主持：京晶嘉宾:Jessica

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演讲片段精听

When I was six years old, my first grade teacher had this brilliant idea. She wanted us to experience receiving gifts but also learning the virtue of complimenting each other. And she said, "Why don't we just stand here and compliment each other? If you hear your name called, go and pick up your gift and sit down." What a wonderful idea, right? What could go wrong?

当我6岁的时候，我一年级的老师有一个很棒的主意。他想让我们在接受礼物的同时还能学习如何表扬他人。然后她说，“让我们在这里互相表扬吧。如果你听到有谁表扬你，去拿一份礼物然后回座位。”多棒的主意，对么？能出什么差错呢？

Vocabulary:

Virtue [ˈvɜ:rtʃu:] 美德;德行;价值;

Compliment [ˈkɑ:mplɪmənt] 恭维;敬意;

Well, there were 40 of us to start with, and then there were 20 people left, and 10 people left, and five left ... and three left. And I was one of them. And the compliments stopped. Well, at that moment, I was crying. But I don't know who felt worse that day. Was it me or the teacher? She must have realized that she turned a team-building event into a public roast for three six-year-olds. And without the humor. So that was one version of me, and I would die to avoid being in that situation again — to get rejected in public again.

开始时，我们一共有40个孩子，然后剩下20个人，然后10个人，5个人…最后剩下了3个人。而我是其中一个。再也没有表扬了。就在那时，我开始哭。但我不知道当天谁的感觉更糟，是我还是我的老师呢？她一定意识到自己把一个团队建设活动变成了对3个6岁孩子进行批斗的尴尬时刻。而且这种尴尬一点都不好笑。所以那是一个版本的我，我死也不要再经历这种事情——在众目睽睽下被拒绝。

Vocabulary:

Roast [roʊst] 嘲讽，挖苦烤，烘，焙

Then, fast-forward another 14 years, I was 30. And I felt I was stuck; I was stagnant. Why is that? I felt there was this constant battle between the 14-year-old and the six-year-old. One wanted to conquer the world — make a difference — another was afraid of rejection. And every time, that six-year-old won. And this fear even persisted after I started my own company. I cannot let that six-year-old keep dictating my life anymore. I have to put him back in his place.

然后，再快进14年，我三十岁了。我感觉我卡住了，停滞不前。为什么呢？我感觉6对的我和14岁的我之间一直在斗争。一个想征服世界，改变现状，另一个害怕被拒绝。然而每次那个6岁的我都赢了。这个惧怕甚至持续到我开了自己的公司。我不能让那个6岁的我继续支配我的生活。我要战胜他。

Vocabulary:

Stagnant [ˈstæɡnənt]

污浊的;不流动的，停滞的;不景气的

Persist [pərˈsɪst]

坚持;存留;固执;继续存在

So this is where I went online and looked for help. Google was my friend. Then I found this website by luck. It's called rejectiontherapy.com. "Rejection Therapy" was this game, and basically the idea is for 30 days you go out and look for rejection, and every day get rejected at something, and then by the end, you desensitize yourself from the pain. And I loved that idea. And I'll feel myself getting rejected 100 days." And I came up with my own rejection ideas, and I made a video blog out of it.

所以我上网寻求帮助。谷歌是我的朋友。然后我意外找到了这个网站，叫做“被拒治疗法”。“被拒治疗法”是加拿大一个游戏，游戏很简单，你出门找拒绝，持续30天。每天都主动找人因某些事拒绝你，最后你对拒绝就会感到麻木了。我太爱这个主意了。我要让自己被拒绝100天，而且把情景录下来。我要自己想象出被拒绝的主意，还为此创建了视频博客。

Vocabulary:

Desensitize [diˈsɛnsɪˌtaɪz]

使不敏感，使麻木

And so here's what I did. Day One: borrow 100 dollars from a stranger. I came downstairs and I saw this big guy sitting behind a desk. He looked like a security guard. So I just approached him. And I was just walking and that was the longest walk of my life — hair on the back of my neck standing up, I was sweating and my heart was pounding. And I got there and said, "Hey, sir, can I borrow 100 dollars from you?" And he looked up, he's like, "No." "Why?" And I just said, "No? I'm sorry." Then I turned around, and I just ran.

这就是我做的。第一天：想一个陌生人借100美金。我走下楼，看到桌子后面坐了一个壮汉。可能是保安吧。所以，我接近他。我走向他，简直是我人生中最漫长一段路，我觉得脖子后面的汗毛都竖起来了，手心都是汗，心砰砰直跳。我走到他面前，说：“先生你好，我能向你借100美金么？”他抬起头，说：“不行。为什么？”我说：“不行吗？真不好意思”然后我转身就跑。

Vocabulary:

Pound [paʊnd]

连续重击;捣碎，碾碎;强迫吸收;

But then I saw this guy. You know, he wasn't that menacing. He was a chubby, loveable guy, and he even asked me, "Why?" In fact, he invited me to explain myself. And I could've said many things. I could've explained, I could've negotiated. I didn't do any of that. All I did was run. I felt, wow, this is like a microcosm of my life. Every time I felt the slightest rejection, I would just run as fast as I could. And you know what? The next day, no matter what happens, I'm not gonna run. I'll stay engaged.

但我又看了看那个人。他并没有那么可怕，看起来胖乎乎的，很可爱，他甚至还问我，“为什么”。事实上，他给了我解释的机会，我本来可以说很多。我可以解释，可以交涉。我只是逃走了，我觉得，哇，这简直就是我人生的缩影。每次我遇到一点小小的拒绝，我就撒腿就跑。于是我决定了，第二天，不管发生了什么，我都不会逃跑。我会继续交涉。

Vocabulary:

Menacing [ ˈmɛnɪsɪŋ] 险恶的;威胁的

Microcosm [ˈmaɪkroʊkɑ:zəm]

缩影;微观世界;小宇宙;小规模地

And then Day Three: Getting Olympic Doughnuts. This is where my life was turned upside down. The doughnut maker took me so seriously. So she put out paper, started jotting down the colors and the rings, and is like, "How can I make this?" And then 15 minutes later, she came out with a box that looked like Olympic rings. And I was so touched. I just couldn't believe it. And that video got over five million views on YouTube. The world couldn't believe that either.

第三天，索要奥林匹克甜甜圈。我的人生从此开始被颠覆。那个做甜甜圈的特别重视我的要求。他居然拿出一张纸，记下颜色和排列，思考该怎么制作。15分钟之后，她拿着一盒奥运五环甜甜圈出来了。我感动极了，简直难以置信。这个视频在Youtube上获得了超过5百万的浏览量。看起来世界也无法相信。

So I turned the rest of my 100 days of rejection into this playground — into this research project. And then I learned a lot of things. I discovered so many secrets. For example, I found if I just don't run, if I got rejected, I could actually turn a "no" into a "yes," and the magic word is, "why." I also learned that I can actually say certain things and maximize my chance to get a yes. And again, and again, I learned that if I mention some doubt people might have before I ask the question, I gained their trust. People were more likely to say yes to me. And then I learned I could fulfill my life dream by asking.

所以我把“被拒100天”剩下的经历变成个人游乐场，变成了研究项目。我学到了很多事情，我发现了很多秘密。比如，我发现只要我在遭到拒绝之后，不逃之夭夭，我可以把不行变成行，秘诀就是问对方为什么。我又学到一招，我可以通过表述一些确定的事情，增加我的提议被接受的可能性。就这样一次又一次，我体会到，如果在我提出自己的要求之前，我能说出对方心里的疑问，我能赢得他们的信任。他们也更有可能答应我的要求。然后我明白了，要想实现人生的理想，只要开口。

And in my case, rejection was my curse, was my boogeyman. It has bothered me my whole life because I was running away from it. Then I started embracing it. I turned that into the biggest gift in my life. When you get rejected in life, when you are facing the next obstacle or next failure, consider the possibilities. Don't run. If you just embrace them, they might become your gifts as well.

以我为例，拒绝曾是我的诅咒，曾是我的梦魔。它困扰了我一生，因为我曾经不敢面对它。然后我开始拥抱它。把它转变为我人生中最大的礼物。当你在人生中遭遇拒绝，当你面对下一个障碍或下一次失败，想想以下这个可能：不要逃跑。如果你拥抱它们，它们也可能成为你的礼物。

Vocabulary:

Boogeyman ['bu:ɡɪmæn]

具有超人力量的恶巫

Obstacle [ˈɑ:bstəkl]

障碍（物）;障碍物（绊脚石，障碍栅栏）

完

了解更多

《没有永远的拒绝，

你只是暂时不被接受》

作者：蒋甲

天地出版社

本书记录了蒋甲为战胜拒绝恐惧所付出的努力，

文字风趣幽默、鼓舞人心。

蒋甲从中国到美国，胸怀成为第二个比尔·盖茨的梦想，

他最初在事业上取得了一些成功，

但企业家之梦却没能实现，

这让他一度陷入绝望。

他意识到：

害怕被拒比任何一次真正的被拒绝造成的阻碍都更大。

他必须找到应对的办法，不能让这种恐惧毁掉自己。

于是，他开始了“碰壁100天”的实验，每天主动寻找拒绝。

蒋甲从“碰壁”实验中总结出24条应对拒绝的有效经验，

由于根植于现实生活，因此令人信服，

读者可以从中切实学到应对拒绝的理念、技巧和方法，

包括认清拒绝的本质，转变视角，

适时转换策略，找准目标群体，等等。

更重要的是，读者可以学到增强自信心的方法，

在遭受拒绝时从容应对，不断完善自我炼就强大内心。

致读者

蒋甲
二零一五年一月二十七日

梦想是一个在现今世界里非常常用的一个词。

我们都知道有梦想的人生才有价值。当我们打开电视，翻开杂志，会看到很多人成功的故事。但是，为什么我们大部分人的现实生活却和自己的梦想相距甚远呢？

在我们追逐梦想的过程中，会遇到很多的挫折与拒绝。我们会遇到家人的不理解，陌生人的怀疑，以及现实与环境的拒绝。但是，最悲哀的拒绝往往是自己对自己的拒绝, 告诉我们这个肯定是行不通的。因为我们害怕被拒，所以我们往往在别人拒绝我们之前先否认了自己。

我在北京出生长大，年少时追梦来到美国。但在这个陌生的国家遇到了很多拒绝与困难。我也困惑，我也跌倒，我也想过放弃自己的梦想。但当我面对与拥抱，而不是远离这些冷冰冰的拒绝后，迎来的却是一个接着一个的奇遇。从创业，到写博客，到被称为美国主流网络媒体的领袖，到周游美国演说, 这一切都与被拒绝有关。就因为这一次次的被拒，我学会了不再惧怕，而且能够利用拒绝往梦想的方向前进。

我希望通过这本书，祖国的同胞们能够了解一切拒绝背后的机遇。如果我们都能勇敢一点，都能放开一点，都能够大胆朝着自己的梦想所飞奔, 并把拒绝当作工具与好友，我们的生活与世界将会是什么样子的呢？

让我们一起来发现这个世界吧！